i beLEIve

That Night When I Gave In

2010-06-27T05:40:00.000-07:00

Nung humiga ka sa linya ng upuan sa tabi ko,

Gusto kong hawiin ang buhok mo, halikan ka sa noo at sabihing...

"Akin ka na lang..."

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I guess, bottling up emotions is really bad. I knew it hurt badly, so badly I almost cried. But I didn't. And now sick, maybe because all those feelings got capped inside. And it's bad.

The Day I Said I Give Up on Love

2010-05-22T07:07:00.000-07:00

I couldn't really remember when exactly was that. I just knew, there was that day, when I realized I that I suck at love forever &, subsequently, that I'll never be good at it. Hence, I decided to just give up on love... the waiting, the looking, the trying, the hoping, the hurting.

It's sad, I know. But I think, coming to terms w/ this realization saves me from more intense form of sadness & even pain, for most of the time.

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This, by the way, is my comeback post. Ahaha... It has been almost 2 months since my last.

Oh well...

Things I Want to Do With You

2010-03-01T18:04:00.000-08:00

1. Go to Sagada

2. Ride a ferriswheel

3. Watch fireworks

4. Watch a meteor shower

5. Watch my most favorite chick flicks

6. Lay on the beach

7. Eat tons of cakes, ice cream & chocolates

8. Eat taho

9. Attend & watch church weddings of random people

10. Go to Sunday mass

A hopeless romantic. I guess that's what I'll always be.

(Weird) Dreams

2010-02-27T00:46:00.000-08:00

About two nights ago, I had a weird-but-not-really-that-weird dream.

In that dream, I was at Sir Noel's place, alongside other friends. It was not in CDV though, a different one. There was a party of sorts, or probably, just a simple get-together that turned into a party because the people are so loud & excited about each other. And Sir Noel's fine; he claims he's completely healed. And his bald head, he tried to cover w/ a turban. So gay! Ahaha...

And on one of the walls of place was a frame which has a list of names & some pictures on it. As I went closer to look at it, I saw a familiar face - mine, my picture! Oh! On top of the frame, it says - 'University of the Philippines Law School Merit Scholars.' Bwahaha! Merit scholars?! Parang Ateneo?! Ahaha...

So yeah, it was weird 'cause Sir Noel's wearing a turban & there's Merit Scholarship in UP. Well, I guess dreams will always be weird. But you know what they say about dreams, that they reflect your inner-most desires.

Ano nga kaya?

2010-02-14T05:17:00.000-08:00

Lagi kong naiisip, lalo na kapag napapadpad ako sa UP - Ano kayang nangyari sa akin kung sa UP ako nag-aral at hindi sa Ateneo?

Naisip ko naman 'to nu'ng isang gabi matapos kong magpunta sa UP Fair. Unang beses ko! Masaya kase sobrang ibang environment kaysa sa Ateneo. 'Yung host ng program, diretsong nasasabi 'yung 'sex' at 'malibog.' Kung sa Ateneo 'yun, lagot siya sa ADSA panigurado.

Sobrang saya ko na mas pinili ko ang Ateneo. Ang daming bagay na sigurado akong hindi ko mararanasan kung hindi ako sa Ateneo nag-aral. Marami akong minamahal ngayon na hindi ko sana nakilala kung sa UP ako nagpunta. Pero nandu'n pa rin eh, ano kaya pakiramdam kung naging 'Isko/Iska' ako at hindi isang 'True Blue?'

Ngayon, may bagong pagkakataon na makapag-aral ako sa UP. Pero sana ganu'n kadali magdesisyon. Sana p'de ko na lang sabihin na, 'Sige, go na! Para malaman ko na talaga ang pakiramdam.' Pero hindi ganu'n kadali eh. Mahaba-habang pag-iisip 'to. Mahaba & madugong pag-iisip. Haay.

Mahirap ding maging lubos & hayag na masaya. Sana, lahat na lang kami pumasa. Ganu'n pa man, sobra-sobrang nagpapasalamat pa rin ako. Maraming, maraming salamat Po! :)

Thank You (01222010)

2010-01-22T05:24:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since my last post. And I think it's good to make this one about thanking.

1. Thanks for my old job. I really enjoyed it. It made me realize that kids are just sooo much fun to be with. I'll miss them so much.:(

2. Thanks for my new job. It was my first day today & it went well, quite good in fact. I hope I'd do well in this job 'cause I feel like this would determine my future.

3. Thanks for making me move on from illusions & false beliefs. Thanks. :)

The next few days, I predict, would be stressful physically & emotionally. It'd ba a time for confronting concerns, standing for what you beLEIve in, & hoping for better things to come.

Sa 2010

2009-12-31T08:50:00.000-08:00

... na hudyat ng mga bagong pakikipagsapalaran & mga bagong simula.

... na magiging bagong pagkakataon para mabuhay, magmahal & matuto.

To happiness & beyond!

Thank You (12282009)

2009-12-28T00:50:00.000-08:00

I kept on saying that I would definitely do my best to make this year's Christmas fun & happy. And thank You making it happen. So, thanks for

1. a happy, albeit simple Christmas celebration. And thanks that, surprisingly, my sister's family decided to spend Noche Buena w/ us. I, yes I, prepped a hearty Christmas meal for us. Good that they liked it! *Wink* Ahaha... Kids are just fun to be with. I love my pamangkins!

2. making me have money to buy gifts this year. This is actually the first time I bought gifts for friends & family, 'cause I normally I'm penny-less. Ahaha... It really made me feel good that they liked what they got from me, especially because I really thought of what I'll give out to them. Now, I'm back to being penny-less. Ahaha...

3. friends, for real friends. <3

Yes, there's a Santa Claus. 'Cause I believe so.

2009-12-24T21:35:00.000-08:00

I said to myself that I would try to complete the Simbang Gabi this year. But yeah, I wasn't able to do it. Anyway, I saw this from Facebook, reposted by a friend from someone else's page. This is the Simbang Gabi homily at the Church of Gesu in the Ateneo last December 23rd. This one's by Fr. Johnny Go, SJ. Something we can all think about for the season...

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Just one more day to go before the day we celebrate the birth of our Lord!

But not so fast! The past couple of evenings, we have been invited first to think about another birth—the birth of our Lord’s cousin, John the Baptist. Amidst all the excitement and rejoicing in that household that day, one person was strangely silent: the father of the newborn baby, Zechariah. In the gospel story today, he more than makes up for it by breaking his silence and breaking into song, giving us one of the loveliest songs in the New Testament.

Lately I’ve been thinking about Zechariah. I have a suspicion that this silent character has something to say to us—a message that God wants us to hear loud and clear as we rush about in our last-minute preparations for Christmas.

Many of us already know his story. For many years Zechariah and his wife Elizabeth had prayed for a son—but to their growing dismay, their prayers were unanswered. In fact, when the angel Gabriel visited Mary at the Annunciation, he referred to Elizabeth as she “who is called barren,” hinting at the suffering that this old couple must have borne all those years. You see, for the Jews, being barren was a sure sign of God’s curse, and surely Zechariah and Elizabeth had to endure an endless series of embarrassing questions until people finally “got it” and stopped bringing it up in conversation.

Many of us know the feeling. We each have perhaps one area or aspect in our lives that doesn’t quite conform to people’s expectations—or our own: Maybe the pressure to perform or accomplish something in our studies, at work, or in sports; our own longing to belong; or our desire—or our parents’ desire or our spouse’s desire—for us to measure up in some way. Unfortunately, whatever it is, it’s nothappening; and we just keep falling short. At first, well-meaning people express their concern by asking about it, unaware of the discomfort or pain their questions may cause. Then they begin to tiptoe around the topic, while others who are less kind cup their hand over their mouths and murmur behind our backs. The interrogations may have stopped, but the judgment remains there in people’s eyes—not to mention the pity.

I think this is how we ought to imagine Zechariah when the angel Gabriel appeared to him in the temple to announce the good news about Elizabeth’s long-awaited pregnancy. “Do not be afraid, Zechariah,“ the angel began, “for your prayer has been heard, and your wife will bear you a son.”

How many years Zechariah had longed to hear these words! So can we blame him if after the angel finishes his speech, Zechariah asks, “How will I know this?” If we read between the lines, I guess what he was thinking was: “Yeah, right! Now, how can I be sure?”

Well, the angel Gabriel must have read his mind. It’s too bad, I think, that the angel decided to strike him mute. Maybe he was having a particularly bad hair day, having a long list of chores and errands he had to run in preparation for this first Christmas.

I don’t know about you, but don’t you think Zechariah had a perfectly valid question? I mean, can we honestly blame the old man for asking the angel for some kind of proof? After all, I think Zechariah exemplifies the classic case of someone who has experienced the hazards of prolonged waiting. I mean, the guy is practically a victimof Advent!

Think about it: All his life, he and his wife waited—and were kept waiting—for years!

Unfortunately, something happens to us when we wait too long. Our hopes can be dashed only so much. Our hearts can be broken only so often. Our breath can be held only for so long. After a while, we get blue in the face. Worst of all, our hearts too can turn blue: We grow weary with waiting. We tire of hoping. And we eventually give up on praying for that one thing we’ve so long longed for.

Again we know the feeling, don’t we? We know what it feels like to be let down by life too often. We can only take so much! After a while, after getting beaten down too much, after watching our dreams not take flight too often, we end up getting disillusioned. We grow skeptical. We become jaded. We give up, we stop believing, and we stop hoping. We lose the capacity to imagine that what’s impossible can actually happen. But isn’t that what Christmas is all about when we think about it? The impossible happening. The unexpected unfolding. The unimaginable exploding in the very manger of our jaded, dream-weary world.

What was it again that the angel said to Mary? “Nothing is impossible with God.” We have to be willing to believe in the impossible. We have to be capable of stretching our imagination. And we have to be willing to hold our breath for as long as we can in anticipation of the surprises God has in store for us.

We can't blame him, but the problem with Zechariah was that after waiting too long and being let down too often, he simply stopped believing in the impossible. He got sick of trying to stretch his imagination and eventually just refused to be surprised. I think Zechariah was the original guy who stopped believing in Santa Claus—so that when Santa finally slipped down their old chimney in the guise of an angel, all Zechariah could manage was raise a question and an eyebrow.

Whoever said we shouldn’t replace Christ with Santa Claus is of course right in criticizing the commercialization of Christmas. Santa Claus should never take the place of our Lord at the center of Christmas. But tonight I’d like to propose that we still need to believe in Santa. I’d like to suggest that weird or scandalous as it may sound, this jolly character deserves a place right there in the belen along with the Holy Family and the angels, huddled with the shepherds and the wise men, and surrounded by the ox and donkey.

Over a hundred years ago, in 1897, an 8-year old girl named Virginia wrote the editor of the New York Sun a letter that led to an editorial that became the most reprinted editorial to run in any newspaper in the English language.

The letter said:

“Dear editor, I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, ‘If you see it in The Sun, it is so’. Please tell me the truth: Is there a Santa Claus?” Signed, Virginia O’Hanlon.

Here’s a portion of the editor’s response—as timely today as it was over a hundred years ago:

“Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except what they see.

“Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy.”

And so, here’s what I think is God’s message to us through the story and character of Zechariah, addressed especially to the Zechariah's in us: “Yes, there is a Santa Claus!” Not the literal old jolly bearded man in a red suit, of course, but all the good things that he stands for: Joy, generosity, goodness, even magic…

If we can’t bring ourselves to believe in what Santa stands for, how can we even begin to believe in this wonderful mystery of the Infinite God Himself climbing down our chimneys to become a baby in our manger, to be one of us and one like us?

For me, our old friend Zechariah is the unsung hero of Advent. He is the poster boy of waiting because in the end God made sure that despite all those years of disappointments, he could once again hold his breath for the impossible.

This evening, just a couple of nights away from Christmas day, the day we’ve all been waiting for, the Lord invites us to gather our faded dreams, to resuscitate our tired imagination, and hold all the hopes and dreams of this world in our jaded hearts—and retrieve our faith in miracles: Let us remember what it means to dream. Let us believe once again in the impossible. And let us wait and hold our breath for Him Who, after all those centuries, will no longer keep us waiting.

Tonight we tell ourselves as in a prayer: “Yes, Virginia, and yes, Zechariah: There is a Santa Claus!” If we can’t believe in Santa, how can we believe in that surprise of surprises and that miracle of miracles we call Christmas?

Lord, tonight we thank you for the gift of Christmas.

From: courier-journal.com

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HAPPY CHRISTMAS to all! :)

MaLEIgayang Pasko! :)

2009-12-24T21:15:00.001-08:00

I Love You, Goodbye

2009-12-22T02:33:00.000-08:00

Why does 'I love you' sometimes means 'Goodbye?'

This is one of the questions in the promo video of the movie I Love You, Goodbye.

From: Star Cinema Multiply Site

And here's my answer -

Because when you love, you'd always want the best for that person... whether it includes you or not.

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Shocks, I think I'll watch this movie on Christmas day. Ahaha...

From: youtube

COD Christmas Display

2009-12-20T05:49:00.000-08:00

Sigurado akong alam ito ng mga lumaki sa 80's o 90's, lalo na 'yung mga nakitira malapit sa Kamaynilaan.

Naisip ko lang, nakaka-miss pala talaga 'yung Christmas display na 'yon. Bigla ko lang naalala. At, ngayong binabalikan ko ang lumang alaala na 'yon, sobrang saya pala.

Minsan, napag-usapan namin 'to ng isang grupo ng mga kaibigan. Pare-pareho naming nasabi na nakaka-miss nga. Tapos naisip nu'ng isa sa amin, paano kaya kung nagkasabay-sabay na pala kaming nanood noon, noong bata pa kami at malamang eh hindi pa namin kilala ang isa't-isa? Oo nga noh? Dahil sikat na pasyalan iyon dati, dahil Cubao ang 'the place to be' noon, hindi malayo na kasabay pala nating nanonood noon ang ilan sa mga taong kalaunan na lang natin nakilala. Baka 'yung batang katabi mo sa gilid ng kalsada na kumakain ng chichirya eh matalik mo nang kaibigan ngayon. O 'yung batang umapak sa 'yo dahil sobrang likot eh magiging kabarkada mo pala. O baka 'yung umiiyak na bata sa harap mo dahil nagpapabuhat sa nanay eh ang crush mo ngayon. Masarap lang isipin ang mga ganitong posibilidad.

Pero wala ng COD eh. Mga limang taon na rin siguro. 'Yung display, nilipat na sa Greenhills. Napanood ko siya nu'ng isang taon. Pero hindi na siya kasing-saya. Baka dahil hindi na ako bata kaya hindi na ako natutuwa. O iba lang talaga 'yung noon. Ewan. Basta, nakaka-miss siya.

Taken by Dennis Villegas

Randomness #3

2009-12-19T07:42:00.000-08:00

I'm here at a coffee shop, taking advantage of the free wi-fi. Ahaha... I haven't had any sensible posts lately, though I thought, by now, I should have already written a lot since a lot as well has happened in the past weeks. But I can't seem to organize my thoughts. So here I go again w/ some random things in my head.

1. I kinda enjoyed shoping. I was out yesterday buying gifts for friends & family. I find it really challenging to think of stuff that they will like. I tried to be creative as well. And hopefully, they'll appreciate what they'll be getting from me.

And oh, I made a Christmas card to go w/ the gifts I will be giving out. Yes, I think it's cute! Ahaha... Kinda narcissistic though, w/ my picture & name. Oh well, it's MY card anyway! *Bleh*.

2. Oh, my laptop's been resurrected from the dead. And I've been spending a couple of nights already browsing through some old pictures & watching videos from way back. One thing I particularly have been playing over and over again is the video of my pseudo-debut party (organized by Pat & Vir). It brings so much fond memories. And I can definitely say that it will always be one of my favorite-est moments... ever. Kahit mukha akong tanga du'n, nakakatawa at nakakakilig pa rin siya.

3. Because of the memories brought back by old videos & pix, I am reminded again of how much I miss the old times. I miss studying, going to school. I miss cutting classes too. I miss cafeteria food. I miss doing plays. I miss being nervous because you still haven't fully memorized the script when it's supposed to be 'drop scripts' already. I miss using jade & amber foundations. I miss the kaba before getting on-stage. I miss the lamig of the theater. I miss that tired-but-contented-and-happy feeling after a good show. I miss going to meetings. I miss speaking in front of people. I miss being the person everyone talks to. I miss being that Leinard-of-two-years-or-a-year-ago. I miss my old friends.

During ENTA's 2008 BORLOG

4. Talking about the things I miss... I miss my long hair. I really love the waves & it's not-so-shiny shine. Plus, it was very easy to maintain and I can do a lot of dos w/ it. But I don't think I can grow my hair as long as that anymore. Sad, but Oh well...

5. Oh, oh, oh! I dreamt of my first 'love' the other night. Nang medyo lasing, sinabi niya, nahihirapan na raw siya sa relasyon nila ng jowa niya. Tapos inamin niya na alam niya noon pa na gusto ko siya. Aattt, 'inamin' din niyang gusto niya ako dati pa pero takot siyang sabihin dahil pareho pa kaming nasa Ateneo nu'n. Medyo tumahimik nang sandali. Pagkatapos, sa 'di ko maalalang dahilan, nag-kiss kami. Tapos, humiga ako sa balikat niya. Ang intindi ko du'n, naging kami. :)

6. He (someone else, not the same as the guy in #6) talked to me again. And it's weird 'cause I don't know how to feel. Hmm... I guess that's how I would always describe every interaction I'll have w/ him, weird.

7. I'm having a shirt printed w/ this, for me -

Sana maganda kalabasan! I also got someone a shirt that has the same print. Sana cute!

8. I am still determined to make this a happy Christmas. Really!

9. I'll be leaving this place in 20 minutes. I've been here for almost 5 hours already. Ahaha...

10. I want to drink & get drunk! Ahaha... :)

Thank You (12112009)

2009-12-11T03:04:00.000-08:00

Manong Driver & his playlist made me smile this morning. Thank You for that. :)

The Seven Wonders of the World

2009-12-06T04:36:00.000-08:00

This one's really cute. Nakakapagpa-smile talaga. Got it from here.

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The Seven Wonders of the World

Author Unknown

Junior high school students in Chicago were studying the Seven Wonders of the World. At the end of the lesson, the students were asked to list what they considered to be the Seven Wonders of the World. Though there was some disagreement, the following received the most votes:

1. Egypt’s Great Pyramids
2. The Taj Mahal in India
3. The Grand Canyon in Arizona
4. The Panama Canal
5. The Empire State Building
6. St. Peter’s Basilica
7. China’s Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student, a quiet girl, hadn’t turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The quiet girl replied, “Yes, a little. I couldn’t quite make up my mind because there were so many.” The teacher said, “Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help.”

The girl hesitated, then read, “I think the Seven Wonders of the World are:

1. to touch…
2. to taste…
3. to see…
4. to hear… (She hesitated a little, and then added…)
5. to feel…
6. to laugh…
7. and to love.

The room was so quiet, you could have heard a pin drop.

May this story serve as a gentle reminder to all of us that the things we overlook as simple and ordinary are often the most wonderful - and we don’t have to travel anywhere special to experience them.

Enjoy your gifts!

From: wordpress.com

Thank You (12052009)

2009-12-06T03:38:00.000-08:00

Salamat Po-

1. para sa aking WYA hoodie at lumang sumbrero na hindi ko naman talaga isinusuot 'pag lumalabas. Sila ang nagpabuti (kahit kaunti) ng pakiramdam ko kahapon.

2. at, sa aking naging sagot ko na, 'Hindi. Gusto ko lang talagang maging ayos siya.'

Salamat!

Color Me Happy

2009-12-04T05:37:00.000-08:00

Wala lang. I thought this is funny. I saw this from the English book (Reading Wonders) of one of my students. :)

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Color Me Happy

If I were the color blue,

I'd sing a sad song for you.

If I were the color yelllow,

I'd be a happy fellow.

If I were the color red,

I'd look like me when I bled.

If I were the color green,

I'd grow like a big string bean.

If I were the color brown,

I'd be a chololate town.

If I were the colod pink,

I'd be a lemony frink.

If I were the color purple,

Nothing would rhyme with me.

From: Photobucket

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Sad purple... Bwahaha!!!

This describes daw the path of our 'relationship.'

2009-12-01T08:03:00.000-08:00

From: spiritualengineering.com

Thank You (11292009)

2009-11-28T05:26:00.000-08:00

Thank You Po for the gift of her in my life. It's not as if I have been feeling that I have a lot in my life right now, You know that. And so it's always nice to be reminded that there's her. The kind of relationship we have hasn't necessarily been so smooth sailing. But for tonight, I'd pray that You'd still let her sail with me forever... because I feel like I'm better when I am with her.

From: themeparkshopper.com

Randomness #2

2009-11-27T06:13:00.000-08:00

1. It's as if I'm constantly reaffirmed everyday... that I suck at love and that I'll never be good at it. Oh well. :)

2. There are just signs you could not miss. And I feel that my phone's not accepting my pin code is one big sign.

3. I would still want to go to Sagada!!! :)

4. I still stand by what I wrote for my LAE essay... that there are just times when there's nothing left for you to do but give up. No choice but that.

5. I want to act or direct again...

Berso sa Metro

2009-11-23T07:47:00.000-08:00

I finally found a pic of my favorite Berso sa Metro.

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From: Facebook

Al perderte yo a ti tú y yo hemos perdido:
yo porque tú eras lo que yo más amaba
y tú porque yo era el que te amaba más.
Pero de nosotros dos tú pierdes más que yo:
porque yo podré amar a otras como te amaba a ti
pero a ti no te amarán como te amaba yo.

Nang mawala ka sa akin, ikaw at ako'y nawalan.
Ako dahil ikaw ang minahal ko nang lubusan
at ikaw dahil ako ang sa iyo'y lubusang nagmahal.
Nguni't sa dalawa ay ikaw ang higit na nawalan;
dahil puwede kong mahalin ang iba tulad ng pagmamahal ko sa iyo
ngunit ika'y di mamahalin tulad nang kung paano kita minahal.

-Ernesto Cardenal (Granada, Nicaragua, 1925-)

Thank You (11152009)

2009-11-15T07:08:00.000-08:00

Alam Niyo Po na ngayon higit kailanman ko naramdaman na parang hindi na ako natuto. Pero nagpapasalamat pa rin Po ako sa mga bagay, bagaman ang kanilang pananaliti'y panandalian, na dinudulot ng pagiging tanga ko.

Maraming salamat Po!

According to Facebook

2009-11-07T05:11:00.000-08:00

It reads:

John Leinard got a message that on this day, God wants him to know...
... that work begins when you don't like what you are doing.

Little children can do the most amazing things with such joy and fun. You were little once too, and knew how to turn everything into a game. So, turn your work into a game, and you will find joy and satisfaction in it. What are some ways you can start being playful with work?

So, does this mean I should stay? And yeah, I beLEIve in these kinds of stuff.

Song of the Moment - FIREFLIES

2009-11-06T07:04:00.000-08:00

I've been playing this one over & over again since two nights ago. It's just perfect to describe the time.

Sorry, I couldn't embed the original music vid.

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Fireflies

Owl City

You would not believe your eyes

If ten million fireflies

Lit up the world

As I fell asleep.

'Cause they fill the open air

And leave teardrops everywhere.

You'd think me rude

But I would just stand and stare.

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly.

It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep

'Cause everything is never as it seems.

'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs

From ten thousand lightning bugs

As they try to teach me how to dance.

A foxtrot above my head.

A sock hop beneath my bed.

A disco ball is just hanging by a thread. (Thread. Thread.)

I'd like to make myself believe

That planet Earth turns slowly.

It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep

'Cause everything is never as it seems. (When I fall asleep)

Leave my door open just a crack

(Please take me away from here)

'Cause I feel like such an insomniac.

(Please take me away from here)

Why do I tire of counting sheep

(Please take me away from here)

When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

To ten million fireflies,

I'm weird cause I hate goodbyes.

I got misty eyes

As they said farewell. (Said Farewell)

But I'll know where several are

If my dreams get real bizarre.

'Cause I'd save a few
And I'd keep them in a jar. (Jar)

I'd like to make myself believe

That planet Earth turns slowly.

It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep

'Cause everything is never as it seems. (When I Fall Asleep)

I'd like to make myself believe

That planet Earth turns slowly.

It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep

Because my dreams are bursting at the seams.

Thank You (11042009)

2009-11-04T08:52:00.000-08:00

1. Thanks for the great, great vacation! Thank You for my first airplane ride, for the perfect weather, & for the great nights! Thanks just for the whole experience. I would always look back at it as a great time. The best!

2. Thanks for the friends I was w/ during that vacation. Truly, real friends = love.

From: Timee' Multiply

3. On a different note, thanks for giving me the courage. I still don't know what I have gotten from it but I think I'll be stopping now. Just because. I might still have to process things. And hence, I might have to ask for more courage to help me do so. My future plans are, for now, uncertain. Hhmmm... I'm actually not quite sure if I'd have/make plans even. Oh, thanks for the 'good' memories. But I might just have to forget them. But thanks nonetheless.

Thank You! Really, You are amazing!

Fly

2009-11-04T08:42:00.000-08:00

Everytime I'm being asked what super power I'd want to have if ever, I always answer that I want to have the ability to fly. I haven't really thought about why I have this fascination w/ flying. Maybe for freedom (you know the common notion that flying somewhat means that you'll be able to escape). Or it could be that subconsciously, I was thinking that I look good w/ a big pair of white wings, or black, or pink. Pink?! *Laughs*... I'm not really quite sure.

But anyway, just last week, I had my first airplane ride. We went to Boracay. Yes! I felt like a 5 y/o again. Seriously! Inside the plane, I listened attentively to the flight attendants as they demonstrated & explained the safety shit stuff inside the plane. In fact, I even won in one of the games they had to 'entertain' the passengers. So, to continue, mid-way through our flight, the weather being perfectly sunny, I peeped out & realized that we were already above the clouds. There, I kinda figured out why I want to fly.

The reason: because the sky is just a great place to be at! There, above everything else, you could be alone yet not lonely. You wouldn't be lonely because the beauty would just make you forget (even for just a while) all that has been bothering you. Yeah it might be really cold there but you have the clouds to keep you warm, like they can hug you or something. Then the rays of sunlight would touch your face as if they were His hands saying you are just fine, just fine.

Hence, it's not really flying per se, but the place where having the capability to fly would lead me to & the great feelings that that place would bring to me.

So okay, I don't know how to fly. But it's not impossible. I know I'll be able to learn how. I probably just need someone to teach me.

From: flickr

I can be that and a whole lot more...

2009-10-23T06:49:00.000-07:00

... for you.

From: followandreblog

Because Christmas is Just Around the Corner

2009-10-23T06:27:00.000-07:00

Bring Me Love

Marie Digby

Dear Santa,
I wrote you a letter.
I wonder if you ever read it.
I've only one wish that I'll ask you,
And it's the same old thing
As every other year.

This year, I can't say I've been perfect.
I'm pretty sure I've got
A regret or two.
But Santa please don't hold it
Against me
Cause this year I'm counting on you
To...
Bring me, bring me love oh
Santa bring me, bring me love. Ohh...
Bring me love.

As a child I remember dreaming
Of all the beautiful things
That you can create.
But I can have all the toys in
The world and it still
Wouldn't mean a thing.
Can you bring me, bring me... love.
Santa bring me, bring me... love.

I've been patient
I've been waiting so long.
Hoping, praying,
Just tell me that you heard me.
Just this once...

Can you bring me, bring me love. Ohh...
Santa bring me bring me love. Ohh...
Tell me the time has come
That there is someone
Waiting for me too.
So santa bring me, bring me love... Ohh...
Bring me love.

From: youtube

Thank You (10212009)

2009-10-23T05:40:00.000-07:00

Thank You that I'm a big girl now... :)

Kids Say the Darndest Things

2009-10-17T07:59:00.000-07:00

Scenario: Just this afternoon. Me reviewing a Grade 1 kid their past lessons in religion. The specific lesson was parts of the body & their uses. Ayon nga sa kanilang libro, ang katawan natin ay biyaya ng Diyos. Amen.

Me: So what part of your body do you use to hug your friends?
Kid: Arms... and hands!
Me: Good! And, what body part is used in loving?
Kid: (Semi-pause) Mind...
Me: VERY GOOD! Now, we move on to the next lesson!

----------

No, I didn't say that. Ahaha... Of course, I had to correct him. It's the heart that's used to love (well, that's according to their book). Bwahaha...

Thank You (10102009)

2009-10-10T09:17:00.000-07:00

In the midst of feeling so disconnected already...

thanks for real friends. Thanks for letting me be w/ them tonight.

Direk!

2009-10-04T04:19:00.000-07:00

I want to direct a play again. It's what has been on my mind these past few weeks. I've tried it once & I feel like if I'd be given one more chance, I can do a lot of quite good things. The first time made me see the aspects I could have improved on, & I'd like to think I deserve the time to do the actual improvements. Just that, not for anything else.

Pat gave me a very short play a few months ago, something only I have read yata. I think it's a good material. I already have in mind the actors I'd get, just in case. I've thought of the device I'd use & some basic blockings I'll employ. I've even thought of the texture of the technicals & the set already. Shocks! I really want a second chance at it.

A director's chair charm from SWJ

Randomness #1

2009-10-03T03:26:00.000-07:00

1. Thank God Pepeng did pay Manila a visit anymore! This just proves that there is really power in prayers...

2. I want to go to Brazil. 2016 Olympics, it was just announced, will be held there. No visa needed. But, hhmmm, where to get the money? Hhmmm... Ahaha...

Rio de Janeiro's Olympic Logo

3. I need my Attorney 1. P'de ikaw na lang?

Dahil May Isang Ikaw on Channel 2

Anything for You

2009-10-01T06:40:00.000-07:00

As they say, some songs, surprisingly, reflect the most silent swing of the pendulum that is our minds, our souls & even our hearts.

----------

I hope you find somone to please you,
Somone who'll care and never leave you.

But if that someone ever hurts you,

You just might need a friend to turn to.

- 'Anything for You,' Gloria Estefan

From: digart

The Armageddon that was Ondoy

2009-09-30T06:49:00.000-07:00

Never has it rained this much in our place. In just 6 hours, a month's worth of rain fell. And never have I been ~~this~~ afraid of a storm, except this one.

Getting stuck on the sidewalk for 4 hours, braving through knee-high flood water, walking barefoot, worrying to your guts if your family's safe, worrying for your friends, not being able to sleep because of nervousness, and a whole lot more. These are not necessary the best things to happen to anybody. But I am just thankful that these are also not the worst. Lives lost, houses destroyed - my heart goes for them, especially because this time, these people whose lives I know will never be the same forever are friends, relatives, acquaintances.

Thanks to Sir Morny for letting us stay at CDV. I stayed there w/ a couple of friends, Mike & Yani, as they also can't go home. We were later joined by Ate Julie & Abe w/ Julia (their Golden Retriever). After knowing my family's okay back in Montalban, Mike & I went to Xavier School to help pack relief goods.

At Xavier School

Then, we went back to Ateneo to also help w/ the relief mission. There, we saw familiar faces. It became some kind of reunion for many of us. But this felt way better because we know we're doing something great. We sorted clothes for families of 6. We tried to distract ourselves from the fatigue by coming up w/ crazy antics like having a theme for each clothes bag (i.e. everything must be pink or white, or all must be branded, or all must have flowers, etc.).

Piles of relief goods at the Ateneo Covered Courts

Then, on the next day, Mike finally drew the courage to go back to their house. The road leading there was scary. Clouds of dust cover your view as the piles & piles of mud dry up. Vehicles covered w/ mud still lined up the streets. And when we got to their place, there was still no electricity. Though so, Mike's neighbor are already on their feet trying to salvage whatever they can from their stuff. Inside the house, we saw that all of Mike's stuff fell, from their appliances to their furniture. All of them, dirty because of flood water.

How Mike's house looks now

That was a sad sight to see. I could just imagine that many other houses went through the same thing, some even worse.

Then, on Day 4, Tuesday, I decided to come home. It actually took me 2 1/2 hours to get to our place. There were very few public vehicles & traffic was sooo heavy. But I am finally home. Thank You.

Thank you Yani for making us laugh amidst all the uncertainties. Thanks Mike, a lot, really. I'll help as much as I can. You are really a true friend. Thanks to my friends who texted me & asked me how I was. But thanks especially to my blockmates, I was deeply touched. And to You, thank you for keeping us safe. I know this is not a punishment because You are not like that.

Yani, w/ our dinner (i.e. cookies, chocolates & chips)

Mike & his attempt at a worried look

As I mentioned in my FB account, this was really a trying time. Sa ganitong panahon mo talaga makikilala ang mga totoong tao, lalo ang mga totoong kaibigan. I realized, it's not really just about showing/attempting to show that you are concerned, but it's way more than that. I beLEIve it's about DOING, doing something about that 'concern,' doing what you can & sometimes even doing more for others.

Let's all be prepared. As this event taught us, we can never be really safe.

Photos taken using Mike's cam

Admission

2009-09-24T08:36:00.000-07:00

From: cardboardlove

Thank You (09242009)

2009-09-24T07:27:00.000-07:00

I know this one's quite delayed, but thank You po for the gift of life. For the past few days, I've been constantly reminded of how amazing & hopeful life can be amidst all the hardships & confusions. 'Cause even the problems, they make the good things about life more beautiful.

Photo by Vir

Welcome to the world Baby Jacob Gabriel Peña Jumalon! :)

And oh, thank You for friends & friendship. Thanks You for letting me have them, especially during these times.

Beautifully Imperfect

2009-09-19T23:11:00.001-07:00

From: youtube

Little Things

2009-09-17T09:48:00.000-07:00

From: pineappleupsidedown

See you soon!

2009-09-17T08:54:00.000-07:00

http://www.wayfaring.info/2009/06/02/boracay-festival-philippines/

Thank You (09122009)

2009-09-12T07:12:00.000-07:00

Thank You Po for the gift of Tito Inggit in our lives. He has helped our family in so many ways. Thank You for allowing us to be blessed by his guileless smiles & laughter.

Please allow him to rest on your foot. And please whisper to his ear that he will be missed...

Pastlife

2009-09-12T07:03:00.000-07:00

I've always joked that I was a princess in my past life. There wasn't really any basis for that; I just felt that I was a princess before, if not a duchess. Ahaha...

And so, I tried this application in facebook w/c, according to its name, analyzes one's past life. I just entered my full name, the date & time I was born, & here's what came out -

----------

John Leinard participate in Past Life Analysis

You have lived 7858 days, 13 hours, 45 minutes and 54 seconds in this life.

I do not know how you feel about John Leinard Ayala Ramos, but it seems that you were female in your last incarnation.

You were bo rn somewhere in the territory of modern Portugal, around the year 0875.

Your profession was that of a teacher, mathematician or geologist

Your brief psychological profile in your past life: Inquisitive, inventive, you liked to get to the very bottom of things and to rummage in books. Talent for drama, natural born actor.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation: The world is full of ill and lonely people. You should help those, who are less fortunate than you are.

----------

Accurate? Hhmmm... I'd like to think so. Not just because it tells that I am natural born actor/theater person, but I genuinely feel that there are just far too many lonely people in the world. And I ought to do something about it. Plus, being born somewhere in Europe seems a good idea.

Magis Over

2009-09-12T06:33:00.000-07:00

MAGIS, the Ateneo Sesquicentennial Cultural Gala that I headed & that kept me really busy for the past few weeks, is already over. And I am glad that it is. All the hardships we had to go through are unimaginable yet the night proved that everything was well worth it.

The whole project reminded me of what MAGIS, the Jesuit value, truly meant, to give all that you can, if not all that you are, in whatever it is that you do.

Now, back to my 'normal' life.

I miss my students...

Pause

2009-09-04T10:34:00.000-07:00

Theater taught me the importance of pauses. I suddenly remembered its relevance when I saw the preview of ENTA's newbie production (Sir Jet 'coerced' me to watch w/ him).

For one, pauses give you the chance to breathe & the time to think. It gives you that needed rest from everything that's going on - that moment to recharge, if I may say so.

Also, pausing challenges. It dares us to think of other ways to express those w/c can't be said or, more importantly, those w/c are just beyond words. This, I think is that glory of pauses.

*Pause*

Endings. That's one more thing pauses connote, sadly. So most look at pauses as breaks. Yes, they are breaks but they are not intended to break anything. I would like to think that pausing (e.g. silences) is part of the continuity. Taking a closer look, it comes w/ the hope &, sometimes, promise, that after the pause, something good, or even just plain 'something,' will happen next.

*Pause*

Thank You (09042009)

2009-09-04T10:20:00.000-07:00

Sa gitna ng pagod, lungkot, at mas marami pang pagod, gusto ko pa ring magpasalamat para sa-

1. Masarap ng pininyahang manok na may gata (for breakfast-lunch),

2. Malaking crispy chicken fillet at mas marami than the usual serving ng spaghetti sa Mcdo (for dinner), at

3. Pagkalabit niya sa aking tagiliran (for midnight snack).

Salamat Po! :)

P.S.
Please keep me hopeful...

Drift(ed)

2009-09-04T10:17:00.000-07:00

You and I already drifted apart.

Now that we're apart,

you drift even farther, further.

----------

Dahil sa maiiksing sagot sa text messages...

Thank You (09032009)

2009-09-03T08:08:00.000-07:00

This will be the first of what I hope will be a habit. Amidst all the negativity that I have been seeing people feel, I just wanna be more appreciative of the good things that come (w/c I hope other people would do also), for a change from the normal me. Sir Jet actually started this in his multiply site, because of the same reason why I'm starting my own version. And hello, there are just really a lot of beautiful things to be thankful for each day!

---------

As I am still working on Magis, today would have to be the most stressful day so far. I went to Pasay to check costumes, talked to a lot of people (well, I first had to look for them & it's really hard to look for people who do not really want to be seen), & got reprimanded a few times.

Though so, looking at the day that has been, there a some few things I really have to be thankful for, things I want to be thankful for.

1. Trip to Pasay

- I went to the Ramon Obusan Folkloric Dancers Center w/ my father to check out their costumes. We ~~almost~~ got lost. But when we finally got there, & when I finally got to see the famous Obusan house I've seen a lot of times already on TV, I dunno but I suddenly felt good inside. That was just a happy place. Everybody's living there together - there's the sister of the late Ramon Obusan, a couple of families, the costumes people, some friends who, according to them, likes to hang out there, a lot of dogs, a bird, & some large fishes. Take note: ALL of them are just nice (even the animals), really nice! Plus, the costumes, a lot of them just lying around, are just amazing to look at.

from: http://www.flickr.com/photos/79571019@N00/85482004/

2. Hearing the UP Staff Chorale

- Then, I went to UP in the evening to talk to some people, still for the event. And, I heard the UP Staff Chorale rehearsing, as they are also invited to perform in the show. And gosh, ang galing nila! The way they sang Take and Receive just gave me goosebumps. I hope our staff chorale will be as good as them. I heard they already had a US & Malaysian Tour. How about that?!

3. The hug

- It was the first time you hugged me. And I will forever remember the way it happened. Thanks! :)

Thank You! Really...

----------

I will always remember this adage our teacher in economics wrote in our final long test. It goes something like - Sometimes, you just have to wait 'til night comes to realize how good the day was.

True.

Pasko Na!

2009-09-01T05:23:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning, not to my cellphone's alarm (as if it still works for me), but to the music a local morning show was playin' - Jingle Bell Rock!

And it dawned on me, yeah, it's Christmas season already. It's the 1st of September, September being the first of the -ber months. So, it's technically the start of the looooong Christmas season for Filipinos.

Now, besides MAGIS & work, I will also have to simultaneously think how I would spend my Christmas. I have to plan this early on so (1) I could save money for whatever I might plan & so (2) there would be no more repeat of my past few Christmases that weren't really the best ones.

This time, I, yes I, will make sure this Christmas will be special, just like the old times.

I Wanna be a Poet

2009-08-31T05:45:00.000-07:00

by ME

I wanna be a poet

so I could write a good poem

which I will make you read,

something that would make you smile,

I'll make sure.

I wanna be a poet

so I could write a poem about you,

on how your black hair frames your sweet face,

how your pink lips match your eyes,

on how your fair hands seem to always call mine.

I wanna be a poet

so I could write a poem about us,

about how you are to me,

about how I want me to be to you,

about how I want us to be.

I really wanna be a poet

                              but I don't know how.
                              Though, I'd still want to try,
                              just try,
                              for once, for ~~the~~ a chance.

Facebook Says...

2009-08-31T05:09:00.000-07:00

On this day of your life, John Leinard, we believe God wants you to know...

... that you cannot wait anymore.

The moment has finally come. You have no choice. You have to take that step now. Now. Not tomorrow, not in an hour, - Now! If anyone else is reading this, they would be confused. But not you. You know exactly what we mean. Do it. Now.

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Many would argue that these stuff that appear on facebook do not really have bases, that they are all made up, just random stuff. But this one really hits it, bull's eye. And I would want to beLEIve, this one's really for me.

This morning, I was already thinking of giving up (just because I thought I suck at it). But then again, I'm only trying, still trying. Afterall, this is my first attempt really. So I say, let's do it! Whatever happens, atleast I know I tried.

Reading something affirming is always good. And thank God for this, my sleep would definitely be better.

Entry # 1: Stressed

2009-08-30T06:09:00.000-07:00

This will be my first real blog entry for this site. I've made a few blog accounts before but I have never really kept a well-maintained one. So, I promise this will be it.

I dunno if it'd be proper that my first blog would be about the stress I'm goin' through. But hell, I am really stressed, & this is all I'm feeling at the moment. So anything I might write or talk about would have to be about this.

----------

I am just so tired and stressed right now. But the next two weeks, I know, will definitely be more stressful. I just have a lot of things to do for Magis, the Sesqui Gala of the School of Humanities of the Ateneo. All of these I have to accomplish while I do my work (i.e. teaching kids).

I say to people, doing the Production Manager job for this event is twice as difficult as doing the PM-ship for Ang Unang Baboy sa Langit. I was trying to analyze this & I kinda figured out that the difficulty I'm facing mostly comes from the fact that this time, I deal w/ professionals & teachers. And boy are they tough to talk to, and needless to say, demanding!

To say that I already want this project to finish would be understatement. Just because it's too tiring & it's already getting on the way of my job (& I enjoy teaching kids). Still, my special Sunday prayer goes for this project, that it would be a really, really great one.

Desiderata

2009-08-30T04:56:00.000-07:00

ni Max Ehrmann
salin sa tagalog ni Benilda Santos

Humayo nang payapa sa gitna ng ingay at pagkukumahog
at tandaang may katiwasayang masusumpungan sa katahimikan.
Hanggang kakayanin at nang hindi sumusuko,
pakitunguhan nang mabuti ang lahat.

Sambitin ang sariling katotohanan nang mahinahon at walang gatol
at pakinggan ang iba, kahit ang pulpol at mangmang.
Sila man ay may masasabi.

Iwasan ang hambog at mapusok; nakaliligalig sila ng loob.
Kung ihahambing ang sarili sa iba, baka maging palalo o puno ng hinampo
dahil laging may makahihigit o mababa sa iyo.

Masiyahin sa iyong tagumapy, maging sa iyong mga balak.
Pangalagaan ang iyong hanapbuhay gaano man kahamak;
iya’y maaasahang pag-aari sa pabago-bagong kapalarang dala ng panahon.

Mag-ingat sa pakikipagnegosyo pagkat puno ng bulaan ang mundo.
Ngunit huwag naming magbulag-bulagan sa kabutihan.
Marami ang nagsisikap maabot ang kadakilaan,
at saan mang dako’y may kabayanihan.

Magpakatotoo sa sarili. Higit sa lahat, huwag magpanggap sa pagmamahal.
Subalit huwag ding kutyain ang pag-ibig
pagkat sa harap ng lahat ng kawalan ng sigla at pag-asa
lagi itong tumutubong muli tulad ng damo.

Tanggapin nang mahinahon ang payo ng taon,
at isuko nang magiliw ang mga biyaya ng kabataan.
Patatagin ang espiritu bilang pansanggalang sa di-inaasahang kasawian.
Ngunit huwag magpakaligalig sa mga nakababahalang alalalahanin.
Maraming pangamba ang dulot ng pagod at pangungulila.
Bukod sa pagkakaroon ng sapat na disiplina, maging malumanay sa sarili.

Supling ka ng uniberso, gaya ng mga puno’t tala
karapatan mong dumito.
At malinaw man ito o hindi sa iyo
walang alinlangan, sadyang namumukadkad ang uniberso.

Kaya maging payapa sa Panginoon
paano man ang pagkilala mo sa Kanya
at anuman ang iyong pagsisikap at pangarap;
sa maingay na kaguluhan ng buhay
panatilihing panatag ang iyong loob.

Sa kabila ng pagkukunwari, kawalang-kawawaan, at bigong pangarap,
Maganda pa rin itong mundo.
Maging masayahin. Sikaping lumigaya.